A 'Celebration of Life': Kathy's Story

by Rob Borkes

I'd like to share the story of my sister, Kathleen Borkes. Kathy was always everyone's angel; she led an extraordinary life of always caring for others before herself. Our mother, Dorothy, was diagnosed with ALS, back in the mid-90s and fell victim to it in 1997. Our father, George, and our grandmother would soon pass as well. She took care of them all for over ten years.

Kathy thought she finally had the chance to get her own life back. However, in the spring of 2010, after months of the 'bulbar' symptoms having surfaced she was also diagnosed with ALS. Ironically, she would now need the handicapped-ready house she bought for our parents for her own challenges - never complaining, just trying to do what she had to do to accept her condition as her strength diminished.

Shortly after her diagnosis Kathy wrote a thank you note to me, saying: “I struggled with why you had been given this tremendous burden of my illness and care. Why this? Why now? Not for us to ask. We just have to do our best and live life to the fullest!”

Kathy willed herself to stay with us for the college graduation of our nephew, Chris. As she miraculously got closer to her 50th birthday on October 4, 2011, I asked her one more time if she would be up to a family gathering.

Amazingly she said yes, even after having said to me: “Do you really think it would be a good idea? I know I am failing and everyone will be making another trip very shortly, for my funeral. I wouldn't want people to come out twice.”

The great part to this story is that she agreed to it anyway. She wanted to share her love for her family and friends that she had throughout her amazing life. Kathy was very specific that I was to design a card that didn't speak of her 50th birthday, but I was to call it her "Celebration of Life."

On October 8, 2011 the weather was perfect and the house quickly filled with those who meant so much to her. Even in her weakened state, she was able to visit with them all. The morning after, she sent an email to us that read: “I never felt so very loved! I left my room yesterday morning into a magical, beautiful wonderland of a home! Amazed, surprised, a warm fuzzy feeling!! Never thought I could feel that again... what an absolutely lovely day!”

A week later, we invited those who couldn't make it and other close support group friends from New Jersey. My amazing sister would pass away less than two weeks later. At peace, finally.

I am so grateful for the gift I received, the lessons I learned from Kathy through her acceptance, patience, and just the dignified way she lived her life. What I am trying to say is to celebrate the joy you have brought to others, even through these difficult times. You might be surprised just how much your family and friends want to tell you how much you mean to them and that they love you. "Celebrate your Extraordinary Lives!"